Hello Strangers

想说不update了这么久　至少也来拔拔草什么的

Footprints留了好多　Formspring.me/jocady也问了些funny问题

好奇心是每个人都会有的　我也很喜欢回答一些有的没的

从2004的pinkycady到2007的jocadychoi 我在这里还真的掏心掏肺了不少.. 都快10年了

上贯了Facebook 下次更新也不知道会是何时 也许也不更新了

这篇就当是记录我生活的空白和闲暇多出的笔记吧

Enjoy我三八的(唯一)一面～


Life



I'm turning 27years old in less than a month!!!!!!!!

The sheer horror of it. Every year, every may, every 14th, I DREAD hahaha 

Sometimes I wonder if I can lie to myself. For example, telling myself that OKAY I'm actually turning 21years old. Or 22(who cares, right?). And that I have so much more time left. It's not like I'm dying but unless you are a woman who's planning to conceive in the near future, it's really difficult not to want to hit the panic button repeatedly and shrieked like a crazy banshee. Like me. I have this countdown ticker in my ovaries and it works the way like stocks do. My value/eggs/everything will plummet the moment the time is up and it scares the hell outta me. I've been happily drifting throughout my life without a care in the world, living one day to the next and only worrying about what I'm going to eat/watch/shop today. Now reality is setting in and in 5years' time, I have to have somewhere semi-permanent to live in, a kid and a career. Yep, no biggie. I believe the Uni-verse has it going for me.



Vision



Have you ever felt like you have so many ideas jumping all over the place, so many things that you want to do in your life, so many things you want to learn, so many so manys to be done but never enough time to stuff them all? Between AT, watching online shows, fulfilling my visions and eating/sleeping, I have absolutely no time/energy for anything else. Shopping? No thanks, unless you can incorporate spending time with AT, eating and getting inspired at the same time. That's 4 off my checklist, mind you. I've been spoiling this boyfriend of mine so much that I'm sure 99% of the people I know will whack me on the head knowing the entirety of what I've done for this man. Basically, I've given my life to him in this love/hate(usually hate!! which he said is a good thing) relationship. As a result, I've been lagging behind in my own life. Things get pushed off to get his knots untied first(to the point of running quick errands for his family - whom I've never really interacted with). But I grow. I emerge in such a way that I can see myself, my potentials, my strengths and how I've always choose not to do something out of stubbornness despite being able to shine brilliantly. I am capable and this love I have for him gives me courage to do so much more(but of course, on some gloomy days, I will accuse him of controlling and running my life and that I have no more life and am dead lol).

Okay, nauseating love-talk aside, I hope that whoever you are, send me all the positive energies you can summon!!

They don't call me the Number 1 Procrastinator for nothing.


People



This morning, I woke up to the realization that it has been a year. A year since I last moved out, moved in with my biological mother, went through hell and moved out again. Last night I was telling him that in a nutshell, I have lost faith in humanity. I can taste the slightest tinge of depression fuelling those words and mood but that is my truth. Granted, it's not as if I've been raped/robbed/reduced to homelessness(close) but still, it appeared that I'm not very far away from being plunged into the lowest ebb of my life. But of course, as what Coelho taught, action - not depression - is what we're after in the face of dilemmas. And the support from the one who love you and those who will not turn you away, be grateful for the grace that they have shown you.

Gremlins, that's what I called the non-genuine ones you chanced upon on your life journey. A really simple way to catch them out is the way they react to your problems. They are the ones who would pester you and tell you rubbish like you can stay at their place despite you having a boyfriend but would do absolutely nothing to pull you out of shit. They are the sickening type who harp constantly on how they feel, blame you all the time and make a mountain out of nothingness. Even family does that. Things will get painfully real when it comes to money, when they feel that you no longer pledge loyalty to them just because you are dating now. They will go out of their way to ignore you when you need help, that's how awful and selfish humans can be. People will not give you things for free. when they shower you with gifts, they want something back. Be it attention or time, everything feels like prostitution. A trade-off. I'm not a saint nor am I trying to be one - I'm just illustrating what I've personally experienced from my perspective. I'm just glad that I've managed to get rid of them my way.

Like I mentioned in my previous posts, I've disowned my birth mother. It's not difficult since we do not have a regular mother-daughter relationship. The funny part was that 5days ago, she texted me happy birthday. I want to wait until your mood gets better and we can go out and have a fun time. Don't ignore me. 

My birthday is next month.

I'm not upset nor depressed, not even sad. I feel sorry and kinda feel like laughing because she actually thought that what she had done equalled to nothing major and I'm just having a bad mood. Not for her nor myself, but the scenario that I'm viewing. I see a 26years old female. Her birth parents(father last celebrated mine when I was 5?) do not remember her birthday(actually less than 3 people do/care, I suppose. And now with the help of Facebook, birthday posts are just a notification away) but that's not the point. The scenario of a forsaken child. I'm not victimizing the protagonist. She's not the first and definitely not the last. Sometimes I feel that she could write a book about it except that she has more to accomplish and then it would make a good story. Anyhow, as far as I'm concerned, I have not picked up her call since last November and I'm not going to start ever. Hahaha great, another issue to deal with but I have no time for that. Despite everything, I believe in nurture over nature and I'm a 蔡 kid.



Love

16months and counting




The life that I have is all that I have
And the life that I have is Yours
The love that I have of the life that I have, is Yours
And Yours
And Yours

似乎已经习惯这样看着镜头抿嘴微笑

不论任何心情  任何场景

大概很多人都是这样吧

即便是做作的

也希望留给未来一个笑容满面的回忆

♥

some overdue snippets of life for people who've been constantly checkin' in here

生活的(过期)小随拍  一次都放上来～

背后有很多小故事和小回忆　喜欢这样看看自己过得日子


 

 
 

 
 

(above left) It was 4am on a Saturday morning and I was at the 24hours supermarket when I noticed

 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
  

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  

 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 

 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 




谢谢  我很好




人生是快乐的  拜拜


终

"Words to be avoided: "Someday", "may be" and "if" "


blogging 依然是个可以抒发小情怀的地方~ 真好

看来偶尔沉浸在自己的小宇宙里也不错

Spent all week at home slaving at the computer and took some shots for fun




windswept

几年前的我.. 那个时候还很在乎化妆和打扮

出门前没准备至少一个小时是不不会踏出家门的

照片是用sony ericsson k800i拍的 还记得那时上一个阶段的我..



不知道为什么还是怀念.

每天没有任何工作的压力 (虽然对未来还是很迷惑)

显然.成长会失去很多从前简单的快乐..

看来.. 我还是喜欢睁眼不知道要做什么的人生..

并不喜欢这样睁眼又重复昨天的生活(luckily it'll pass soon!)



garden blooms


只要能够到达,在某个地方总会开满了花。





pieces of the mask

生活除了偶尔错乱的小感伤.. 更多时候  还是那个喜欢胡思乱想

喜欢颠三倒四  喜欢被宠爱却害怕被打扰的那个我 

在忙碌的时候 也不忘记看online电影和偶像剧

让人看到抓狂的剧情,  虽然狗血的很

但是他彻底完成了女孩子们最不现实的幻想!!

A、B这种为难的选择  轻松又无奈的在两者之间徘徊

足以证明我仍然还拥有一颗没有熄灭的 "花痴少女之心" 

grandma's salt&pepper hair



最近心情总算轻松下来

不是忙完了 只是知道清楚了要忙的事有哪些哈哈哈~

没有之前那么害怕和困扰了



前一阵子总是在抱怨来自生活工作的各种压力

经历了盲目又完全不知所措的时期

压抑以及说不上来的某种强迫感

一些原本简单的事情也会搞的一团糟

慢慢忘记感激我幸运的拥有这么多值得庆幸的一切..



his beloved



今天好似没有一丝困意

内心的惬意跟着音乐的旋律一起舞动

莫明的好心情


女人嘛.. 只要把那些"天南地北" "乱七八糟"

一股脑全部说给某个人听.. 后来  好像很多事情就渐渐不再那么的复杂

其实  我只是缺少可以全部都讲"真心话"的人

而他们自然成了我最值得珍惜的"收获"

谢谢你出现在我平凡又不会太乏味生活里!!



backyard fleurs



只要活着就一定能遇到好事

是的.. 活着快乐  学会知足  这算不算是我新年前给自己的总结呢~



大家晚安

happy chinese new year!